The results for the 22nd annual Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest have just been announced

the winner is:
"They had but one last remaining night together, so they embraced each other as tightly as that two-flavour entwined string cheese that is orange and yellowish-white, the orange probably being a bland Cheddar and the white ... Mozzarella, although it could possibly be Provolone or just plain American, as it really doesn't taste distinctly dissimilar from the orange, yet they would have you believe it does by colouring it differently," by Mariann Simms of Alabama

The award is named in honour of British novelist Edward George Bulwer-Lytton, whose 1830 novel Paul Clifford began with the notorious line: "It was a dark and stormy night." Some of the entries have to be read to be believed